Bush Jokes

Thank goodness we have humorists to make this political season bearable.
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Bush

The George W. Bush Legacy: Poor people roasting a rat over a fire in a

garbage can with rubble all around. Wrecked police car, public school

with broken windows Dept. of Social Services destroyed: Man says, "You

have to understand, back in '01 I really really really really really

really really needed that $300 tax cut." (Captain Jack Kennedy)

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IN THE NEWS * INTERNATIONAL

The new Socialist prime minister of Spain, Louis Rodriguez Zapatero,

has pledged to bring home the Spanish troops now in Iraq. The Bush team

appear to have failed to take into account weapons of mass elections.

(The Wit Wizard)

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The voters in Spain there have elected a socialist government. The new

prime minister, Jose Zapatero immediately lashed out at President Bush,

calling the war in Iraq a disaster, calling for all Spanish troops to

come home from Iraq immediately. This obviously upset President Bush.

Today, he took decisive action. He said, "From now on, in the United

States, Spanish rice will now be known as Freedom rice." (Jay Leno)

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A tragic fire on Monday destroyed the personal library of President
George W. Bush. Both of his books have been lost.
A presidential spokesman said the President was devastated as he had
not finished coloring the second one
His connect-the-dots book is missing too!
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President Bush calls in the head of the CIA and asks,

"How come the Jews know everything before we do?"

The CIA chief says, "It's simple. The Jews have an expression,

Nu, Vus Tutzuch (English translation: What's Happening).

They just ask each other and that's how they find out everything."

Impressed, George W. Bush says he personally wants to go undercover

to see how this system works.

So the president gets disguised (the hat, beard, long sideburns etc.)

as an Orthodox Jew and is secretly flown in an unmarked plane to New York where

he is secretly picked up in an unmarked car and secretly dropped off in Crown Heights,

one of Brooklyn's most Jewish neighborhoods.

As the president stands quietly on a busy street corner,

a little old Jewish man comes shuffling along.

Bush approaches him and whispers "Nu, Vus Tutzuch?"

The old guy whispers back, "Did you hear that putz Bush is in Brooklyn?"

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President Bush's victories in the southern primaries have given him

enough delegates to seal the Republican nomination for a second term.

Bush had no real opposition, but Republicans did get to choose between

cowboy Bush, action Bush, Martha Stewart Bush, and Bush regular. (Tina

Fey)



It is starting to look more and more like the terrorist attack in Spain

was the work of al Qaeda and today President Bush called the Prime

Minister of Spain to offer his condolences and said "If it makes you

feel any better we will be happy to attack a country that had nothing

to do with it." (Bill Maher)



The California Supreme said San Francisco must stop marrying gay

couples. Not because of legal problems, they're just running out of

size 15 heels. (Conan O'Brien)

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President Bush went out touting his economic record in Ohio last week.

Now this is a state that lost 225,000 jobs since Bush took office. You

know, if Bush wants to tout his record, he should do it somewhere where

the Bush economy has actually created jobs, like India, or Thailand, or

China. (Jay Leno)



John Kerry said today he wants to debate President Bush once a month.

Hey good luck, if Bush couldn't make it to the National Guard once a

month, he's not going to show up for this. (Jay Leno)



President Bush is on the campaign trail. He predicts both a drop in

criminal activity and robust consumer spending. His twins are now old

enough to drink. (Alan Ray)