Kerry Jokes

Thank goodness we have humorists to make this political season bearable.
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KERRY

John Kerry spoke to a veterans group meeting in West Virginia on

Tuesday. It was very emotional. John Kerry comforted one veteran whose

cracked ribs force him to change positions every three hours, or maybe

he just identified with the guy (Argus Hamilton)

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* THE CAMPAIGN AND POLITICS

Kerry claims Foreign Leaders back his presidential bid. Cheney holding

a report of the Energy Task Force close to his chest says, "We have a

right to know what he is saying to them that makes them so supportive

of his candidacy (Ann Teinaes, Chicago Tribune)

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John Kerry said that a lot of world leaders want him to be the

president and the Bush administration said, 'Yeah, well, like who?' and

John Kerry said, 'Well, I can't say really.' So, now they're really

hammering John Kerry and listen to this, the only name he could come up

with? Queen Latifah. (David Letterman)

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John Kerry released a new campaign commercial Friday
saying that he plans to raise taxes only on the rich.
His own wife is worth $500 million. Teresa Heinz Kerry
saw the ad and began to wish he would just cheat on
her like a normal husband. -Argus Hamilton

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John Kerry described his Republican critics as 'the
most crooked, lying group I've ever seen.' Now, that's
saying something, because Kerry's both a lawyer and a
politician. - Jay Leno

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Kerry has already begun his search for a running mate.
They say that because John Edwards still has $50
million in campaign money, Kerry might pick him. Pick
him? Hey, for $50 million, Kerry will marry him. - Jay Leno